Our 4 month old baby girl is an insomniac. How can we get her to sleep better?

J.K. H asked:


She sleeps at night for about 40 to 90 minutes at a time on average and wakes up. Sometimes she’ll cry or moan herself back to sleep. Sometimes we’ll feed her or rock her back to sleep. During the day, she’ll have three naps of about 45 minutes each. Needless to say, we are at our wits end, having gone four months without a decent night’s sleep. She is in our bedroom (1 bedroom apt.), no choice there. We did put up a screen around her crib so she couldn’t see Mom and Dad in bed, but it didn’t help. We tried Zantac for acid reflux per doctor’s orders and it didn’t help. Sometimes, if we put her in our bed she’ll sleep better, put this won’t work for us. We are now trying the Ferber method, letting her cry it out some and she seems to sleep even less. Any ideas?


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16 Responses

  • DONT LEAVE YOUR BABY CRYING TILL SHES AT LEAST 6 MONTHS OLD. SHES NOT PLAYING GAMES SHES OBVISLY WANTING SOMETHUING??

  • My younger daughter didn’t sleep well at that age, we bought a vibrating bouncy seat, helped a LOT. Get one with a low angle, buckle her in and turn it on. May have to rock her a little bit in it at first but it just might help.

  • Wow! I feel terrible for you guys. My daughter used a binky for a while, until she discovered her thumb. That certainly helped her. She has latched onto this blanket that she must have to fall asleep. Assuming she’s closer to mommy, maybe you could try taking one of her blankets and sleeping with it for a few nights so it gets your scent on it. She may find that comforting. Word to the wise – whatever blanket, bear, etc, that you try to get your child to bond with…make sure that you have access to more of them. I bought 4 of those blankets my daughter loves, and I routinely wash them, so she doesn’t get that there’s more than one and I don’t have to deal with trying to get her to sleep without one. Good luck to you both!

  • She really needs a separate room — or rather you do! The stimulation of having you there where she can see or hear you wakes her further when she rouses in the night. Even if her crib were in the hall, she would be out of sight during the night. My son was in the hall when he was small because we didn’t have a room for him. Does she use a pacifier? They have a bad rep, but they can be a lifesaver. Is she getting enough to eat? If she’s dry and full, don’t stimulate her further by getting up with her.

  • Persevere with it. Look at a book called Babywise. You need determination but it is worth it. Our 4 kids all slept through at about 2 months. This book should be given to all new parents!

  • Have your doctor really check out her ears. My daughter was a great sleeper until she got an ear infection. It took me 3 doctors before one would cough up some antibiotics and it cured her and she slept again. Something is waking her..its just a matter of finding out what and taking care of it.

  • My son started sleeping through the night when he was 4 months…I put a little bit of baby cereal in his last bottle before sleep…I would also try the Johnson & Johnson Bedtime line of products.

  • Yeah CRYING MAKES REFLUX WORSE. Ergo STOP THAT. IF she is crying she NEEDS something.

    Also elevate the crib by placing books under the legs, usually 10-15 degrees does it. Or get an Amby bed.

    “Wear your baby in a carrier as long as possible. Carried babies cry less. Babies reflux more while crying.”

    “17 WAYS TO TREAT REFLUX
    Practice attachment parenting. This high-touch style of parenting decreases baby’s need to cry (remember, crying increases reflux) and increases parents’ ability to cope. Less crying and more coping is the basic recipe for living with GER. The painful shrieking cries of GER babies can take its toll on parents, often producing parental anger. There have been cases of child abuse and the shaken baby syndrome when parents have been unable to manage their baby with GER. Attachment parenting (especially the three baby B’s of breastfeeding, babywearing, and belief in the signal value of baby’s cries) not only comforts the hurting baby, but helps parents more intuitively read their baby’s pre-cry, or about-to-reflux body language, and intervene appropriately. Attachment parenting (AP) increases the maternal hormones prolactin and oxytocin, which have a calming and relaxing effect on mother. Above all, shun the “cry-it-out crowd.” Babies with GER cry because they hurt. Consider your nurturing response to your baby’s cry as baby’s best medicine. See Attachment Parenting for detailed information on how this style of parenting helps parents and babies thrive.”

    HIDDEN MEDICAL CAUSES OF NIGHTWAKING

  • My first son was the same way. He took one twenty minute nap between 8pm and 4am every night. He didn’t sleep much during the day either. It was the worst 4 months of my life. We eventually did the Ferber method, modified because I wouldn’t let him cry for more than about 15 minutes. It took 2 nights and he started sleeping through. BUT he was in a separate room. I do think that’s important. If she hears you, she won’t stop. Also we started him on rice cereal. BTW – this Will get better. I promise. Said #1 son is now visiting colleges (high school junior – still not a great sleeper :-) ).

  • There could be several issues. Try one or a combo of these: Give her a tablespoon of cereal in her bottle right before bed. Give her a warm bath, wrap her just like newborn but in a blanket you have kept with you all day. Your sent may help. Prop her up a bit if she’s comfy in her infant seat put her in there.
    My 3yr old was a preemie and had a horrid sleep schedule. We all slept better when we put my husbands under shirt he wore that day over her as a blanket with her in her car seat and another blanket over her for warmth.Sounds a little gross but it worked and he showers daily.lol What better way to get a hug from dad if he’s not holding you? All the best!!!Classical music helps too Baby Einstein sets are fantastic!!!

  • Oh, I feel for you. I’ve been there. Personally, I don’t go for the crying it out idea. Infants need to know that their needs will be answered. It just seems to go against every maternal instinct. I’m pro co-sleeping, myself. It’s worked well for us. But, that is absolutely up to each individual parent. If it won’t work for you, it’s your choice.

    One thing you might want to try, if reflux is an issue, is to incline the head of her bed a few inches. You might try putting the shirt you had on all day with her, so she can get the smell of mom. I’ve read that but never tried it. Let her have a pacifier, if she likes it. Also, for some, white noise works. You can get CDs of white noise and try playing them at night. The only other suggestion I have is to have someone else (a grandparent or relative?) take a night once in a while so you two can get a good nights sleep. Good luck and I hope she starts sleeping better soon.

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    You need to totally disrupt the babies schedule and teach her to sleep all over again. I had to do this with my youngest -days and nights were mixed up very badly. For a few days- as bad as it sounds, do not let your baby sleep during the day and establish a firm evening routine. Bath her 5 times a day to keep her awake if need be. She will get exhausted and sleep at night longer. If you establish a firm evening routine- warm bath, lotioning with light massage to relax, a warm bottle in mommy’s arms and bed time, she will become accustomed to sleeping a night because you have given her a signal that bed time is coming. this should be done at the same time every night . If the baby will not sleep after being exhausted, her food or being gassy is the problem- she is not comfortable enough to sleep. Gripe water will cure that, about ten minutes before last bottle, give a dose of gripe water to ease her tummy. Having the baby on Pablum could help too, not because it will help her eat less at night but because it will teach her to be more satisfied after a meal and she’ll eat larger quantities in one sitting leading to eating less often but still eating enough. She may for example get up once at night for an 8 oz feeding rather than for 2- 4oz feedings.

  • Hi. Oh my can I relate with you!! My 4 month angel is still in our room too as we are needing to renovate to build one for her. I do not completely agree that a new born should be in their own room nor should they be left to cry it out (they cry because something is wrong.. leaving them to do that is only worsening the issue and upsetting them more… and in turn…swallowing more air to create more gas). They still need to feel confident that their needs will be met and that they are not being “abandoned”. I tried everything under the sun too trying to help her sleep through the night (and some days are better than others so it even got to where I brought her to bed with me which does work for us during those 45 minute nights) . I am finding that a solid routine helps big time…. refer to “Healthy Sleep Habits For A Happy Child” by Marc Weissbluth. He states that by doing the exact same thing night after night will establish a solid understanding that it’s time for bed which means at least 4 hours of sleep. He also states (along with other resources) that babies NEED routines and the longest they should be awake for in one stretch is 3 hours. So… we bathe, massage, swaddle in a sleeper bag, story and then have a warm bottle. In that order, every night, at the same time and only at night because you don’t want to confuse her by doing one or all of the above during the day!! I am breastfeeding and we thought perhaps this was why she wasn’t sleeping because she was getting up appearing to be hungry or gassy (Oval is the best cure for upset tummys too by the way!! Look for the pinky/purple bottle next to the Gripe water (which is only good for the hiccups in my opinion).. we even thought reflux as well…. but … it wasn’t. If your gurlie has in fact been diagnosed with Reflux, I read that Gavoscon works miracles. Are you formula or breast feeding? If the latter…maybe try pumping her bedtime bottle. Anyway… my bambino now goes down at 7:30. I wake her before I go to bed at 11 and give her another warm expressed bottle. It has taken these past few nights to adjust to this new “set up” but low and behold… she is sleeping “through the night” ( a four hour or five stretch is considered sleeping through the night at this age.) She also now has a “cat nap” around 3/4pm but a good three hour nap from 10 am to 1pm…. as long as it’s in our room and she seems to be more comforted in our bed opposed to her own bed… which is fine by me…. if I am not with her… she can still smell me in my sheets…. otherwise… yea…same deal.. she MIGHT sleep 45minutes. Hang in there….and you will conquer this battle and be better prepared for the next is my new way of thinking!
    Good luck!

  • i feel your pain. my daughter is 8 weeks old today and also wakes up about every hour and a half. just the last few nights she has started sleeping from 1am to 4am and then after that it is about 90 mins for feedings. but last nite that changed becuz she decided to sleep all day again.my advise is try feeding her as much as possible during the day so she is fuller at bedtime, also keep her awake as much as possible during the day. have a set time for her to wake up and keep her awake as long as possible. then let her take a 30 or 60 min nap depending on how long u have kept her awake for. im in the same situation and everyone wil tell u different things so listen to all the advise ur given then take and use what u feel comfortable doing. good luck

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