Sara B asked:
My mom died about 3 and a half years ago. Of course we never get completely over the death of our parents, but while awake, I have basically come to terms with it, as is necessary to move on in life. For some reason, since her death, I dream of her every night. But these dreams are never happy, memory-like dreams. For some reason I always dream my dad is actually the one who has died, and I am always mourning his death with her instead of her death. Its very strange. I have this particular dream in some way whenever I dream of her, whether it just be the knowledge within the dream that my dad is dead and she is alive or the stated fact he is dead. I ALWAYS think everything is fine, until I realize I am dreaming and become lucid, in which case I tell her she is dead and I end up bawling within the dream. Its really disturbing. Also, she never speaks to me, and if she tries, I can’t understand her. Sometimes she is afraid of me. WTF??? What is the deal with this?
My mom died about 3 and a half years ago. Of course we never get completely over the death of our parents, but while awake, I have basically come to terms with it, as is necessary to move on in life. For some reason, since her death, I dream of her every night. But these dreams are never happy, memory-like dreams. For some reason I always dream my dad is actually the one who has died, and I am always mourning his death with her instead of her death. Its very strange. I have this particular dream in some way whenever I dream of her, whether it just be the knowledge within the dream that my dad is dead and she is alive or the stated fact he is dead. I ALWAYS think everything is fine, until I realize I am dreaming and become lucid, in which case I tell her she is dead and I end up bawling within the dream. Its really disturbing. Also, she never speaks to me, and if she tries, I can’t understand her. Sometimes she is afraid of me. WTF??? What is the deal with this?
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This should help you.
But in my opinion, i really think its your mothers soul. i know i sound like some gypsy freak, but paranormal things DO happen. My mum dreams of her father occassionally after his passing. She described it to me like so;
I couldn’t see his face completely, but something instinctively told me it was him. I could not hear his words, but knew what he said.
In your case, your mother is trying to communicate with you, but u don’t understand her. could this mean something? im not sure, but im sorry for your losses and good luck with it all ^^)
You see, brain have its mechanism of memorizing and saving your visions, experiences and thoughts. Some part of brain just memorized that one of your parents died, so it kind of mess up your dream and show your nightmare.
To over come this, you have three options:
1, Sleep when your very tired and you used your brain to think and learn new skill.(eg, study, new game, new sport)
2, Use stress-overcome tactics like avoiding the fact that your mom died or get tired and finally overcome the fact or wait till you forget it(almost impossible)
3, Use sleeping pill (highly not recommanded)
I’m korean shrink, frontal contex phase current researcher
and son of dead mom who passed away three years ago,
I know how you feel but you’ll get over it.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. The only thing I can do is explain why I think you’re experiencing this recurring dream. I don’t mean to disturb you, but I’m going to consider the things you’ve said. It’s not going to sound good.
I’m not psychic either, just interpreting what you’ve given us. The thing about dreams is they can have more than one meaning, so here’s a couple of things to consider. First, I know you probably wouldn’t wish your father any harm, but is it possible you wonder what it might be like mourning your dad instead of your mom? Are you so afraid of losing him too that you give him death in your dreams, just to see how you’d cope with it? Also, is he active in your life as far as conversation or closeness? You might feel in some way that he is lost to you, even though she’s the one who died.
The other thing is you’re actually in the dream having to tell her that she’s dead. This becomes upsetting of course. Consider that you have told yourself that so many times just so you could cope and move on with your life. You’ve said it so much that you end up saying it to her in the dream…it’s just guilt for having to constantly remind yourself of something so painful. In the dream you believe that she’s hearing you or seeing you while you tell yourself she’s dead. Maybe that’s why she appears as you’re confirming this aloud.
I’m not sure how to interpret her silence or her reluctance with you in the dream. But I think it’s normal, after all if she spoke she’d be more like a ghost. Did you ever do anything that you feel she never got over or hasn’t forgiven you for? I think you dream of her because you miss her and had unfinished business at the time of her death. I just mean maybe there’s something you would have liked to say and didn’t get to say it. I hope any of this helps. Further, when my grandfather died my mom wrote him a letter and took it to his grave. She knew the cemetery maintenance or the rain would clear it away eventually, but I’m sure she was able to really express her thoughts in writing. It was a letter that no one would ever read, but expressing her heart’s content is what helped her heal.
I know this might not help but next time you relize your awake tell her how much you love her, or if there is something you never got to say then say it. I had an expiriance like this one. I told my Mom I had to let her go. I don’t dream of her as often now. Maybe it’ll help. Good luck.
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